Dheeksha Rabindra

Sometimes, in life, the pain of losing close ones, heartbreak, divorce, abuse, childhood trauma, etc., the pain is so excruciating, we comfortably numb ourselves. We suppress the memories, suppress sadness, to an extent that you do not feel any pain or emotion. We do not cry, don’t feel sad, and also feel like that incident never happened. Is this good? Well! It is not about good or bad; it is just our coping mechanism to survive in this world, putting up a brave face and moving forward. Because the pain is so immense, we fear facing it. This is called emotional numbing.

When faced with a traumatic incident, our sympathetic nervous system responds in three ways: fight, flight or freeze. Emotional numbing is freezing. When our nervous system becomes overwhelmed, the brain activates a protective mechanism by shutting down/ freezing to help keep us safe.

But can one be like this forever? No! Sadness is an emotion, and emotional numbness dulls the channel through which the soul expresses. If the sadness and pain are suppressed, we cannot connect to the soul. Further, when our mind tries to intellectualise the entire situation as a survival technique, feeling emotions becomes distant. We feel disconnected and lost. We need to be truthful to ourselves to reach and connect with our souls.

Well! being truthful is not easy. Truth is mostly accompanied by FEAR. Fear of losing, fear of facing the grave pain, fear of facing ourselves, fear of confronting, etc. But, are we safe without facing our fears? Not really. We may feel safe for the time being, but gradually it shows up in various negative ways in our behaviour while interacting with others — family members, friends, colleagues, etc. So, how do we go about letting out our emotions and connecting with our soul or ourselves?

What does emotional numbness feel like?

• Disconnect from people.
• Isolate oneself. We feel that not talking can avoid the pain.
• Mental fog or dissociation — we are not aware of our thoughts, body, and surroundings.
• Addicted to screen — Constant screen use keeps us from sitting with our feelings, which are necessary for healing.
• Blank stares/ zone out
• We carry on with everyday responsibility, without feeling present or engaged.
• No sense of joy or excitement.
• Difficulty connecting with others emotionally, even with loved ones
• Feeling empty or hollow, a sense of void in us, where emotions should be.
• A sense of apathy — not caring about things we used to enjoy or be passionate about.

How to cope with emotional numbness?

Talk to a close trusted friend: Talking with a friend with whom you feel safe and not judged will help to open up your deepest thoughts and feelings.

Journaling: Still feel judged even by your closest friend? Take up journaling. Take pen and paper, put down all your thoughts and feelings. Do not dismiss any thought as trivial. Identify your meta thoughts and meta emotions. Write everything that is stored in your system. It has to come out of your body. Your mind and body have reached their capacity. You need to make space for new events, thoughts, and emotions.

Reconnect with your body: Mindful movement: Yoga, walking, stretching, or dancing can help awaken sensations. Progressive muscle relaxation can help you feel physical presence. Spend time in nature to reconnect with yourself.

Breathwork: Deep breathing grounds the nervous system and gently reconnects you with emotions.

Cut down on screen time: Reduce overstimulation from screens, watching movies or series, news, or draining conversations. Give your nervous system space to breathe, feel and regulate.

Engage in creative expression: Art, music, poetry, or movement can express what words cannot. You don’t have to “feel inspired” — just creating helps bypass numbness and reach buried emotions.

Therapy helps: A trauma-informed therapist can help you to identify the root cause of your numbness, rebuild your window of tolerance for feelings and develop slowly safe emotional release tools.

Coping with emotional numbness takes patience and gentle self-awareness. Never feel proud or think you are strong because you are emotionally numb. It’s only a coping mechanism that is helpful for the time being. Being emotionally numb for a very long time will affect one’s health and interpersonal and intra-personal relationships. It is detrimental to your emotional and mental well-being.

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