Dheeksha Rabindra

“I called her 100 times… she did not receive my call. Finally, I called her from a different number and she answered. I don’t know why I do this. I am exhausted. But I cannot give up,” he vents after fighting with his girlfriend.

How was it before mobile? Back then, if a couple or friends had a disagreement and returned to their respective homes, they had no way of immediately reaching out to the other person. Landline was scary, as there was always the fear of parents receiving the call. What did they do back then? They quietly endured the difficult emotions. They had the physical and mental space to think, contemplate, and understand oneself. They waited, riddled with restless feelings and difficult emotions. If not anything, they toughened up. They waited to meet their friends again, and when they met, they approached the situation with greater clarity and composure.

However, technological advancement has reshaped not only communication patterns but also emotional processing. Mobile phones connected people 24/7, but also reduced the human capability to wait and be patient before taking action. We react rather than respond. With mobile, the lines between emotion and expression have blurred.

Mobile phones give us a sense of having control over things. Mobile phones are like a remote control, especially in maintaining relationships. Parents’ control over children – constantly checking where they are.  Couples controlling each other about their whereabouts. Friends updating each other in real-time about their activities… and it goes on. It is good that we are connected and checking on our loved ones; on the other hand, it is also creating a sense of fear if the call is not answered. Earlier, when I stepped out in the morning for college, until I returned, there was no way to check my safety.

Can we be like that now? It may be difficult. But we can regulate our emotions and use mobile phones rationally. Here are ways to regulate emotions while using mobile phones:

Learn to wait: Had a disagreement with a friend? Your friend did not reply to your call? Your child did not answer your call? Your boyfriend did not reply to your message? Fear kicks in. Will my friendship end? My boyfriend wants to break up with me? Is my child safe? As fear kicks in, our limbic system and emotional brain get activated. Unless you pause and think, you will continue to react from your emotional brain.

Instead of reacting with multiple calls and messages, keep the mobile away and ask yourself to pause. Understand and acknowledge your emotions (fear and anxiety) and find the reasons for the same. This will give you some time to wait and respond rather than reacting.

Learn to face uncertainty: With 100 ignored calls, your uncertainty about the future of the relationship won’t end. We make those calls because of negative emotions. How can he do this to me? What happened to her? Are they safe? All negative thoughts. Uncertainty is scary because of the fear of something going wrong. We do not feel the same anxiousness if we are sure everything is good. Understanding what is in your control and what is not helps to manage uncertainty. Future is not in your control, but how you manage your emotions and respond accordingly is your control. So if a person does not return your call, when fear kicks in, you take deep breaths and pause. Tell yourself, “he/she must be busy. They will call back.” Give the mind space to think and take action accordingly. Do not take action due to fear.

Delay Gratification: One of the most significant psychological shifts brought about by mobile technology is the loss of the ability to delay gratification. In earlier times, the absence of instant communication naturally created pauses — people had to wait for replies, meetings, or outcomes. This waiting period, though often uncomfortable, nurtured patience, emotional regulation, and the capacity to tolerate uncertainty.

In contrast, mobile phones have eliminated this pause. The moment we experience an emotion — anger, sadness, curiosity, or excitement — the device offers an immediate outlet. We can message, call, post, or seek distraction like watching reels within seconds. This constant accessibility creates a habit of emotional immediacy. To react is to act from emotion; to respond is to act from understanding.

Delayed gratification, on the other hand, is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It involves resisting the urge for immediate comfort in favor of long-term clarity or stability. The ability to wait before responding — to pause, process, and then choose an intentional action — reflects maturity and self-control. Without this skill, individuals are more likely to miscommunicate, make impulsive decisions, and experience emotional exhaustion.

Face your disappointments: We cannot bear the pain. Are you disappointed with the proposal being rejected, or with your requests? The pain may be excruciating. Instead of facing your pain, mobile provides an easy way out to avoid facing the pain. Watching a movie, series, or reels will distract you for the time being from facing the pain. Instead of running away, face your disappointments. Acknowledge your hurt and pain. Cry it out or share it with your friend in person. Be truthful to yourself rather than lying by saying “I am fine.”

Look inwards: To “look inwards” means to turn attention toward one’s inner world — to become aware of emotions, thoughts, and motivations without the noise of external distractions (Mobile). This inward gaze is central to emotional intelligence and mental well-being. It enables individuals to understand why they feel a certain way, how they react to experiences, and what values or insecurities shape their responses.

However, the constant presence of the mobile phone has significantly disrupted this process. In moments of emotional discomfort — sadness, boredom, loneliness, or anxiety — the instinctive response is no longer to sit quietly and introspect, but to reach for the phone.

This avoidance prevents emotional processing. When individuals fail to look inward, emotions remain unresolved — they accumulate beneath the surface, often resurfacing as irritability, anxiety, or a vague sense of emptiness. True self-awareness cannot emerge without moments of stillness and reflection. Thus, the challenge of the digital age is not merely to reduce screen time but to reclaim inner time — the quiet mental space that allows genuine self-connection.

Find off-screen activities: Find out what you love to do? Cleaning, cooking, baking, painting, carpentry, theatre, etc. Try to find off-screen activities that you have always wanted to do. Enroll in classes and meet new people.

While mobile phones and instant messaging have bridged physical distances, they have widened emotional ones. In essence, mobile technology has blurred the line between emotion and expression. The challenge of the modern age is to reclaim the pause — the mindful space between what we feel and how we act. True emotional intelligence lies not in constant communication, but in conscious restraint; not in instant reaction, but in thoughtful response. The ability to wait — once inherent in human interaction — is now a lost art, yet it remains vital for emotional balance and maturity.

Relearning how to wait is, therefore, not a step backward but a return to emotional authenticity. In the quiet intervals between message and response, between impulse and reflection, we rediscover what it means to feel, to understand, and ultimately, to grow.