Dheeksha Rabindra

I remember the days without a mobile. A landline phone and television (both the main medium of entertainment) were stuck in the living room. When I had an argument or fight with my parents or siblings, I would retreat to my room and cry alone or even sleep it off, because I could not talk to a friend nor watch TV to get over it. No privacy! Books were the only form of escape back then; however, I could read an easy novel, as it required some amount of concentration. The emotions were so overwhelming, I would be with it, cry, and sleep. 

Fast forward to the present day, highly driven by technology, a time where, with a touch of a finger, we get access to everything. With time, my relationships have also expanded, and I have more people to argue with. Now, when I fight with my husband, children, in-laws or my parents, I conveniently go to my space, take my mobile, (there is no need for a landline or TV) message or call my friend to talk, or switch on Netflix or Prime Video and start watching especially series, not to miss the K-drama. What happened to sitting with myself, crying, taking time to contemplate, or even resting my mind and heart that are overwhelmed with emotions?

Gen Z is way ahead of millennials. With information overload about psychology, they use the relationship or trauma labels fluidly. To mention a few, narcissism, avoidance attachment, bipolar disorder, personality disorder, etc. Their emotional literacy is better, but they do not know how to process it in reality. My son (Gen Alpha) was upset the other day due to an incident in school. He refused to share it with me despite repeated asks, and he was sulking. I stopped and just sat next to him. He said, “Let me watch TV, I will feel better.”  When they argue and fight with parents, friends, or when they are restless, fragile, or overwhelmed, they just reach out to the numbing glow because they do not know how to process overwhelming emotions. They have physical space but lack mental space. In this situation, how will they learn to process their emotion? 

Digital addiction impact on the emotional brain

Amygdala, involved in emotion processing and motivation, according to research, has shown that with increasing scrolling and screen time has led to a shrinking in its volume. This is also seen in those who have experienced chronic stress or anxiety.  

How does this impact children and adults in everyday life?

• Difficulty with emotional regulation or internal feelings of discomfort
• Blunted emotional sensitivity
• Increased emotional reactivity to everyday stressors
• Decreased ability to focus and sustain attention
• Reduced tolerance for boredom or tasks without instant rewards
• Lack of decision-making skills and difficulty controlling impulses

Thus, when you feel overwhelmed, instead of processing deeper emotions, which is painful, children and adults seek the comfort of the screen, which stimulates the reward circuitry (dopamine-driven), reinforcing compulsive behaviors and enabling bypassing deeper emotions. As a result, the brain prefers easy digital rewards over emotional processing, contributing to emotional flattening or emotional numbing.

Well! Screen can provide a temporary distraction for the time being, but if emotions are not processed and acknowledged, and bottled up for a long time, it can be detrimental to physical and mental health. 

Here are a few steps to deal with emotions when you have a terrible fight or an argument.

The first step: Recognizing the occurrence of an emotion by noticing a change in one’s thoughts, energy, or body, or someone else’s facial expression, body language, or voice. That’s the first clue that something important is happening.

The second step: Understanding the cause of emotions and seeing how they influence our thoughts and decisions. This helps us make better predictions about our own and others’ behavior.

The third step: Labeling emotions, that is, stating explicitly, I am feeling upset, I am feeling embarrassed, I am feeling angry. etc. This builds connections between an emotional experience and the precise terms to describe it. Labeling emotions accurately increases self-awareness and helps us to communicate emotions effectively, reducing misunderstanding in social interactions.

The fourth step: Expressing your emotions, which means knowing how and when to display your emotions, depending on the setting, the people you are with, and the larger context. Identify with whom you feel safe to express emotion, because expressing deep emotion makes you vulnerable. 

The fifth step: Regulate emotions, which involves monitoring, tempering, and modifying emotional reactions in helpful ways, to reach personal and professional goals. This doesn’t mean ignoring inconvenient emotions; rather, it’s learning to accept and deal with them. People with this skill employ strategies to manage their own emotions and help others with theirs.

Emotions play an important role in our daily lives. Without emotions, we can just be alive, but it is emotions that fill life in us. Ditch the screen and get a life!

Source: Steps to manage emotions: Permission to feel by Marc Brackett