Dheeksha Rabindra

In a world that glorifies logic and achievement, emotions are often left in the background. However, emotional intelligence (EI) — the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and empathize with others — is what truly sets people apart in relationships, work, and well-being. The good news? You can grow your EI with simple daily practices.

The word emotion is derived from the Latin verb “MOTERE” meaning “To Move”, and the prefix “E” to connote “MOVE AWAY.” Every emotion leads to an action in humans and animals.

Intelligence refers to the unique human mental ability to handle and reason about information.

Peter Salovey and John Mayer, along with David Caruso, defined Emotional Intelligence as the ability to perceive, appraise, and express emotions accurately, understand emotions, and manage emotions to promote emotional and intellectual growth.

Here are 10 Daily Practices to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

Identify emotions: Start your day by asking yourself, How am I feeling? Throughout the day, a person feels over 400 emotions. How many emotions are we aware of? How many emotions can be recognised? When we cannot identify the problem, how can we find a solution? Being aware of your emotions is the first step towards being emotionally intelligent. It is not about discovering deep dark secret, but rather developing an honest and straightforward understanding of what makes you tick.

Self-observe: Self-observation is the key to understanding emotions. When you have an argument and are angry with your boss, try to observe your body. Your body will be tensed and stiff, your throat feels choked with anger, you feel blood rush to your face, and sometimes tears swell up. Your body is giving out too many signs, but we ignore them. And when your friend asks, Are you ok?, you end up saying, Yeahhh! I am fine. You just ignored yourself. And how can you expect your friend or partner to identify what you are going through?

Label emotions: Once you identify the emotion and feel the emotion in your body, that’s attached to the event, label it. Do not stick to just 4–5 basic emotions — happy, sad, anxiety, fear, and anger. Go beyond that. Frustrated, embarrassed, irritated, annoyed, insecure, overwhelmed, awful, disappointed, proud, content, confident, perplexed, shocked, nervous, appalled, despair, fragile, etc.

Journal: End of the day, remember all the events that have happened. Identify emotions attached to each event. For example, you met your friend for coffee. What did you feel? Elated, happy, joyous, etc. You argued with your partner. What did you feel? disappointed, angry, sad? You just watched a series on Netflix. What did you feel? Did you relate to the characters and feel happy, or annoyed with people around, or just feel sad because you compared yourself to the characters in the series, as you do not have a loving partner? Every emotion is important.

Meditation: Meditation helps us to be in touch with our emotions. Meditating, focusing on breath, helps to tap into our emotions. For example, when we get angry, we start breathing heavily. When very sad and in tears, we struggle to breathe. Emotions affect breathing. Thus, while meditating, if we can focus on our breath and follow the circadian breathing technique, we can tap into our emotions. Regular meditation will enable one to be aware of one’s emotions throughout the day.

Pause and think: Once you identify and label the emotion, pause and think. What made you feel that way? Identify the reason for feeling that way. Identifying the core reason will help you to understand yourself better.

Understand others’ emotions: Man is a social animal, and we continuously interact with each other. When conversing with others, while understanding one’s own emotions, learn to identify what emotions the other person is feeling. Empathy is the key. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to identify what the other person is feeling. You can ask, “Are you annoyed with your friend”? “Are you angry with your husband/wife”? “Are you disappointed with your boss”? Identifying others’ emotions will make them feel heard and validated. They feel understood. Interpersonal relationship demands the capacity to regulate your own anger and distress. Attunement to others requires a modicum of calm in oneself.

Express emotions: Once you identify, label, and find the core reason for a particular emotion, learn to express emotion appropriately. For example, if you are fighting with your girlfriend, you can express, “I am very upset and saddened and feel ignored…” You will feel vulnerable expressing exactly what you feel. Hence, identify with whom you are ready to be vulnerable. It takes courage to be vulnerable.

Communication: Communication is important in being emotionally intelligent. An emotionally intelligent person, while communicating, first identifies what they feel, understands the reason, and then communicates exactly what they feel, rather than blaming the other person for everything. For example, instead of saying, “You do not understand me and blame me for all the mistakes…” An emotionally intelligent person will say, “ I feel really upset and terrible when those allegations are made about me.” Make “I” statements and not “you” statements.

Self-Regulation: “Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one,” Benjamin Franklin. Self-regulation is all about what happens when you act and don’t act. Success comes to those who can put their needs on hold and continually manage their emotions. Use emotions as a guideline to choose what to say and do. Understand your rumblings, pick on it, and respond. When you don’t understand, you become a victim of emotional hijacking.

Emotional intelligence isn’t a talent — it’s a practice. These small, mindful steps can lead to massive personal transformation over time. Start with one or two and build from there. Your future, emotionally intelligent self will thank you.