By Dheeksha Rabindra

Man is a social animal by nature. He is either beast or god if he lives in isolation – Aristotle.” Be it at home or in society at large, to have good mental health, we need people around. However, just having people around does not suffice, being ACCEPTED becomes very important for holistic personality development.

During the counseling skills workshop that I attended recently, speaking about differences in relationships, I commented, “One should accept others for what they are and that will end conflicts.” The mentor replied, “If everyone accepts the other the way they are, then there will be no need for a psychotherapist.”

Humans want someone to care for them, love them, listen to their random, silly, or intellectual thoughts, be with their silence, or even fight and argue. In entirety, each one craves to be completely accepted for what they are. Well, it’s easier said than done. So, what does it take to be accepted?

What is to be Accepted?

Giving up Ego: Every individual is different and has a unique personality. As they gradually move from childhood to adulthood, they build their idea about life. All conflict arises when your close ones contradict those ideas. To accept others’ ideas completely and to live with them, one has to give up ego and make room for each other’s growth. I am always right, I know all attitudes, get offended when others point out mistakes, and always try to control others, which always creates tension in relationships. For instance, an adolescent wants to study humanities, while parents push them to study science as they think that is right. Ultimately, the child suffers as they lose interest in studies.

Change yourself: Change is the only constant thing. Do not try to change and control others, but rather changing yourself is the key to accepting others. Lead by example. If you want others to change, first change yourself. Do not be rigid be flexible.

Open to different perspectives: The human mind is so dynamic, how can one expect two individuals to have similar thoughts on zillions of ideas about living life? For instance in a couple, one might be a rooster rising early, while the other night owl; one might love communism while the other is liberal… and it goes on. Unless we come to terms with others’ perspectives, there exists a perpetual conflict, as each one tries to defend their ideas.

Do not criticize or mock: Differences of opinion also invite criticism or mocking of other opinions. Practice constructive criticism and do not argue for the sake of argument. Learn to accept the fact that there exist zillions of ideas and opinion is just another idea.

Extend support: Accepting but being indifferent can also cause friction in a relationship. Extending emotional and physical support whenever possible to your partner or friend will help to bond better with differences. Do not beat yourself up to live up to one’s ideology. Let go and make others happy.

Give space: “I compromise and give in so much but my partner hardly recognizes that or does not help me in any way…” This dialogue must be so relatable. Along with extending support, one should also identify limitations. Respect differences and provide ample space to breathe. Learn to draw boundaries so that it’s not exhaustive. If you support your partner twice in their endeavor, the third time you can take a break and do what you like to do. Always being at the giving end will drain out your energies.

Recently, my partner and I went on a 3-day trip, but I went with my friends he went with his friends. We left on the same day and came back on the same day. It made me realize that it is so important to give space for each other to explore and figure out life.

When we whip up a dish, little variation in the quantity of the ingredient can change the taste. In the same manner, a healthy relationship needs the right amount of space, limitations, support, giving up ego, change when an ingredient is missing, constructive criticism, and accepting different perspectives. Finally, never forget yourself.