By Dheeksha Rabindra

When you break up due to caste, as one belongs to the upper caste and the other to the lower caste, it won’t remain just a heartbreak. It breaks an individual completely. It breaks your identity. 

There are various reasons for relationship breakups. You may have found new love, or figure out there is no compatibility with each other or you both have different life goals or you may just fall out of love. But there is one reason for breakup which is unique and exists only in India. Breaking up due to CASTE.

When you break up because one belongs to the upper caste and the other to the lower caste, it won’t remain just a heartbreak. It breaks an individual completely. Because an individual’s identity and roots are questioned. Being born to a particular caste is not a choice made but rather entrusted by society to everyone.

Breaking up for no mistake of theirs leaves one with so many unanswered questions. One wonders what just went wrong. Didn’t he/she know about my caste? Why did they pursue me despite knowing which caste I belong to? What mistake did I make? These are very unsettling questions one desperately try to find answers to. It is important to understand it’s not one’s mistake, but rather the mistake of society at large.

Here are ways to cope with breakups because of caste:

Understand it is not just heart but identity broken: Breaking up due to caste can be devastating and confusing as one encounters this discrimination when it comes especially to marriage. Hence, understanding the real reason for your hurt becomes significant. That is, it is not just about your heart being broken but also your identity, roots, and family are not accepted by the other person and their family. This builds up one’s anger and disappointment with the other person and the society at large, leaving one completely helpless and lost. Addressing this issue is more important than heartbreak itself.

Accept the unique situation you are in: The question of caste didn’t exist while dating, but it becomes a major issue when it comes to marriage. Having not faced discrimination earlier, a person finds himself/herself in a very unique situation all of a sudden. One finds it very hard to comprehend reality and manage the slew of emotions one is faced with. It becomes important to accept the reality.

Don’t be hard on yourself: Do not let a breakup due to caste bring your self-esteem and confidence down, as it is not your mistake. Surround yourself with positive and supportive relationships that uplift and validate your worth beyond caste distinctions. Educate yourself about the history of your roots and the implications of caste discrimination in society at large. Engage in activities that celebrate your culture and traditions, which can provide a sense of pride and resilience.

Acknowledge your emotions: Acknowledging your emotions and feelings is important. Acknowledge that you are discriminated against, hurt, let down, angry, betrayed, and feel helpless. Permit yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and dreams you had for the future. Accept the breakup, forgive, and move on. Forgiving, the act benefits only you. It entails not allowing other people to have emotional control over you. It will take time, but with awareness, you can eventually get there.

Seek self-awareness and mindfulness: Focus on personal growth through mindfulness and self-awareness. Use this period of transition as an opportunity for self-discovery. Set boundaries and protect your emotional well-being. Do not think of the past or the future. Understand your emotions and be in the moment.

Build your tribe: Find your friends or make new friends and build your community to support you in these tough times. Find out what you enjoy doing for yourself. Join a new course, learn something new, join art classes, travel, or join a support group to get past these tough times. Do not stay alone. Be with positive and good people.

Coping with discrimination and heartbreak is very challenging. Be kind to yourself and know that with time and support, you can navigate through tough experiences and emerge stronger on the other side.